Updated June 10th 2024
When I weaned my firstborn, I didn’t tell anyone I weaned him for a while. Here I am, a lactation expert, helping people solve breastfeeding challenges, encouraging natural term weaning and I was feeling guilty for weaning my child! I felt guilty for doing it even though I know all breastfeeding journey’s come to an end for different reasons.
I weaned my firstborn when he was a toddler. I began to experience something called Breastfeeding Aversion and Agitation which made it feel like my skin was crawling everytime he latched. This started happening around 14-15 months. I pushed on for a bit but the time came that I made the decision to wean my breastfed toddler. It took a few months using a combination of the methods I’ve listed below for you so by the time he was fully weaned, he was 17 months old.
Some would consider weaning a 17 month old extended breastfeeding. The World Health Organization currently recommends exclusively breastfeeding for the first 6 months at which point solids are introduced and breastfeeding should continue alongside the solid foods until 2 years of age or the mother/child decides to wean.
The global average age of weaning is 4. Many children in other parts of the world breastfeeding until this age or later. Here in North America, there is societal pressure to wean by age 1. Somewhere along the lines, the recommendation of at least 12 months, became “end at 12 months”. So by some standards, my son breastfed for a long time and by others, he was weaned early.
The days after he weaned, I went through an entirely new experience. Post weaning depression is feelings of sadness, irritability, feeling tearful or depressed after weaning. It’s thought it’s due to the shift in hormones and the reduction in prolactin and oxytocin after weaning. The more gradual the weaning process, the less likely you are to experience these emotions. Basically, if you can wean slowly it’s ideal for both you and your child.
Even though my weaning process was slow, I did experience bouts of sadness, grief and some tearful moments. It’s a big change in your feeding relationship. And breastfeeding is truly that, a relationship. It’s so much more than just nutrition. So when this relationship comes to an end, it’s still a very difficult time
It’s so much more than just nutrition. So when this relationship comes to an end, it’s still a very difficult time
Weaning isn’t a linear process either. Because breastfeeding is a relationship, there will be times when your infant is upset, in pain, or needing closeness and they’ll want to breastfeed. You can decide in those moments if you want to breastfeed or offer your child another means of comfort.
If you’re feeling ready to wean
If you’re feeling ready to begin the weaning process with your toddler here are a few suggestions you can consider. These will allow you to approach your weaning journey in a slow and steady way. If you need to wean rapidly for any reason, it’s best to work with a lactation consultant. If you stop cold turkey, you can quickly experience engorgement leading to pain, plugged ducts and mastitis. If you need to wean very quickly, you can book a consultation with me here.
Weaning suggestions for a toddler over the age of 12 months:
- Start by dropping one feeding per week – e.g. you drop only the morning feeding for an entire week and see how that goes for you. Pick whichever feeding is easiest to remove, right now
- Set boundaries – for example: we only breastfed in this chair, while mommy sings this song etc
- Offer a distraction – snack, drink, toy, game, change of scenery etc
- Hold space for big emotions – expect them to be upset and provide that connect with lots of cuddles, hugs, kisses and 1:1 time
- Layer in new things before sleep – an extra book, a drink of water, a new game, a new song, an extra song, bouncing, rocking etc. This needs to happen before you take away nursing to sleep
- Expect it to take time; the gradual weaning process can take months
- It’s not a linear process. If they are teething, sick, upset, hurt – breastfeeding provides comfort, they may want to go back to the breast
If you want to partially wean
Partial weaning is when you’ve taken steps to actively reduce how often your baby is nursing or how often you’re pumping but your baby/toddler is not fully weaned yet. You can use some of the same strategies from above if you’re wanting to wean during the day and breastfeed during the night, for example.
If you’re needing to wean from a pump or wanting to just wean during the day and breastfeed in the mornings and at night and are needing some guidance to make this happen, my on-demand class, Weaning With Love, has the answers to gently guide you along the way.
Weaning With Love is for you if…
- You are ready to wean your little one but they’re not quite there yet
- You’ve already started weaning but it’s feeling a lot harder than you thought
- You’ve started weaning and are experiencing tenderness, hardness or full blown plugged ducts and mastitis
- You want to know how to give up those night feeds but keep nursing your toddler during the day (or vice versa)
- You’ve tried weaning in the past but it was too difficult and you decided to keep going for a few months but you can’t keep going anymore
- You want your body back to yourself for a little bit but are feeling guilty for wanting to wean your little one
It’s time you feel supported through the weaning process. Because you deserve care and compassion, even at the end of your breastfeeding journey
References:
Bonyata, Kelly. (2018, January 13th). Weaning techniques. Kellymom.com. https://kellymom.com/ages/weaning/wean-how/weaning-techniques/
Bonyata, Kelly. (2018, January 15th). Sadness and depression during (and after) weaning. Kellymom.com. https://kellymom.com/ages/weaning/wean-how/depression-and-weaning/
Pearson-Glaze, Philippa. (2021, February 25th). How to stop breastfeeding. Breastfeeding.Support. https://breastfeeding.support/how-to-stop-breastfeeding/
World Health Organization. (2020, August 24). Infant and young child feeding. World Health Organization. Retrieved from: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/infant-and-young-child-feeding#:~:text=WHO%20and%20UNICEF%20recommend%3A,years%20of%20age%20or%20beyond